S6E14: The Truth Exposed 13 Years Later- Lisa’s Story
In this episode of the Besties with Breasties podcast, hosts Beth Wilmes and Jes sit down with Lisa, a member of the Faith Through Fire community, for a raw conversation in their relationship series. Lisa shares the story of falling in love in college, building what looked like an idyllic marriage, and then facing breast cancer in 2007 — a diagnosis that, thirteen years later, she'd come to see as the moment that quietly exposed cracks in her relationship that had been there all along.
She walks through the slow unraveling that followed: a husband who shut down instead of opening up, a move that stripped away their support system, a hidden past, and eventually a betrayal that led to divorce in 2020. Lisa gets honest about starting over after decades of security, the isolation of losing friends and community, and the daily, deliberate choice to forgive — even when she didn't want to. She credits a DivorceCare class, her faith, and a commitment to doing the "contrary" thing (choosing peace over bitterness) for helping her rebuild a life she's genuinely proud of today.
A candid, hopeful episode for anyone who has questioned a relationship in the wake of a health crisis — or anyone navigating divorce and wondering how to come out the other side whole.
Learn more or support Faith Through Fire at faiththroughfire.org
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Faith Through Fire
- Thrivent Gateway Financial Group
00:00 - Untitled
00:18 - Introducing Personal Stories of Resilience
01:21 - Exploring Relationships: A Journey of Love and Challenges
14:36 - The Impact of Life Changes on Relationships
22:35 - Navigating the Aftermath of Divorce
26:01 - Navigating Forgiveness
Welcome to the Besties with Breasties podcast.
Speaker AI'm Beth Wilmes, author, speaker, and founder of a human investment organization otherwise known as a nonprofit called Faith Through Fire.
Speaker AOur mission is to reduce the fear and anxiety breast cancer patients feel and replace it with hope and a path toward thriving.
Speaker BI'm Jess, a mom of two, former college soccer player, elementary PE teacher, and fitness enthusiast.
Speaker BI was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer just before my 40th birthday.
Speaker CAnd I'm Jamie, researcher, retired professional boxer and breast cancer survivor who keeps life busy and joyful with a funny farm of animals, a loving family, and a big heart to serve others.
Speaker AThis podcast is about our experiences with.
Speaker BBreast cancer and life after as young survivors and moms.
Speaker AGood morning.
Speaker DHe literally jumped as I go.
Speaker AI was just saying good morning.
Speaker BGood morning.
Speaker BHow are you?
Speaker CI'm good.
Speaker AI'm good.
Speaker AIt's another beautiful day.
Speaker ANo humidity.
Speaker AIt is.
Speaker AI'm hoping.
Speaker AMy mom told me, though it's supposed to rain, so I don't know.
Speaker BYes, I hope it doesn't because it's.
Speaker BThe weather's just been amazing lately.
Speaker ASo nice.
Speaker AMinus my allergies.
Speaker BYes.
Speaker AThat's okay, though.
Speaker AI got my tissues here.
Speaker ASo today we're sitting down with Lisa.
Speaker AWe're in the relationship series.
Speaker AShe's a member of the Faith Through Fire family, and she made one of the hardest decisions I think a lot of women are facing post Covid cancer, and that was the decision to divorce.
Speaker ASo today we're going to talk to Lisa about how she met her husband and what the marriage was like before diagnosis.
Speaker BThen we're going to talk about when.
Speaker ACancer came knocking and finally her divorce and what she's learned looking back.
Speaker ABut before we do that, let's hear from our first sponsor.
Speaker AAre you feeling scared, overwhelmed, or lost post treatment?
Speaker ADo you want to reclaim your life and thrive even better than before breast cancer?
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Speaker AIf you're ready to leap forward, seize personal growth, and redefine your journey, this boot camp will provide the path you might benefit from.
Speaker AOur boot camp if the excitement of completing treatment has worn off, leaving you feeling unsure about your future.
Speaker AYou feel confused by your new post cancer identity and struggle to accept your new normal.
Speaker AYou want to enjoy life again, but feel stuck, stuck in a cycle of negative emotions.
Speaker AYou feel disconnected from yourself, others, or God.
Speaker AOur boot camp offers a structured roadmap that delves deep into four key areas crucial for post Cancer recovery and thriving, understanding trauma, cultivating a fighting spirit, managing anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and redefining and reshaping your identity so you can rediscover your joy and purpose in life.
Speaker AYou can participate by visiting faiththroughfire.org survivorship bootcamp.
Speaker AHi Lisa.
Speaker AThanks for joining us.
Speaker DYou're very welcome.
Speaker AOkay, so let's just jump right in.
Speaker ATell me a little bit about how you met your husband.
Speaker DWell, we were both in college.
Speaker DIt was our junior year and surprise, it was at a fraternity party.
Speaker AThose are fun.
Speaker DYeah, I know.
Speaker DThat was real fun.
Speaker DI met him at a party.
Speaker DWe just started talking.
Speaker DBoth of our houses were on a team.
Speaker DNow this is back in 1989 where we had Greek week and fraternities and sororities would join up and have a week long celebration and his house and my house were joined up.
Speaker DSo we saw each other quite a bit that week and yeah, just started kind of dating from there on and off as a stereotypical college drama relationship.
Speaker ASo when you guys got out of college, was it kind of like, oh, we should get married because that's just the next, like the next step?
Speaker DYeah.
Speaker DSo we started dating our junior year.
Speaker DBy the end of our senior year, I still hadn't graduated.
Speaker DWell, neither of us were graduating in four years.
Speaker DWe took an extra semester.
Speaker DSo that summer I finished up my undergrad degree and he went out to California for an internship.
Speaker DSo we were talking 12 cents a minute on AT&T long distance.
Speaker DAnd I flew out there a few times during his six month internship and he had given me his fraternity pin and then just this whole big speech as a 22 year old.
Speaker DI'm loyal, I'm committed, and you're the love of my life and you've changed my outlook and just all the storybook stuff that was almost, well, it turned out to be too good to be true.
Speaker DBut it was a fairy tale beginning for sure, just with the wooing of me taking me to country clubs and not that I wasn't used to that.
Speaker DI mean, that was.
Speaker DWe were from the pretty much the same socioeconomic class.
Speaker DBut he seemed to be stable.
Speaker DHe seemed to be a go getter.
Speaker DYou know, he had, he was getting a degree, he had plans for getting a job.
Speaker DAnd you know, it was stability for me.
Speaker AWhen you look back on it, like were your personalities similar?
Speaker ADo you feel or do you feel like you were.
Speaker AIt was kind of an opposite subtract situation.
Speaker DYou know, I reflect on that so often.
Speaker DI think we were very similar on the Outside again, you know, we liked the same things, the same sports, the same activities.
Speaker DWe had parents that were still together.
Speaker DWe had families.
Speaker DYou know, he was Catholic, I was Lutheran.
Speaker DSo, you know, that was a little.
Speaker DLittle bit of a problem for my dad.
Speaker DBut, yeah, everything.
Speaker DI mean, there.
Speaker DThere were literally no.
Speaker DNo differences.
Speaker DThat would be alarming.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker ABecause usually I feel like, Jess, weigh in here on this.
Speaker ABut it's just like, when couples get together, there's some non negotiables.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ALike, I feel like you have to feel the same way about, for example, how you want to raise your kids.
Speaker AI feel like you need to feel the same way about how you want to manage your money.
Speaker AI feel like you need to be on the same page on your faith.
Speaker AIt's like if any one of those three things is not in lockstep, I feel like you're starting at a harder place.
Speaker ASo you're saying that you felt like at that time you guys were in that together?
Speaker DWell, the only thing is he at the time was not a Christian.
Speaker DAnd that, to me, I think, put a fire in my belly.
Speaker DBecause at that time, me being like, just.
Speaker DI was kind of a happy Jesus, you know, on fire for the Lord.
Speaker DI had grown.
Speaker DI had grown up in Christian schools, and I learned how to defend my faith.
Speaker DI studied it, I knew it.
Speaker DAnd when I got to college, it was the perfect time to test that faith and that knowledge.
Speaker DAnd then when I met my husband, who was God is dead, quoting Nietzsche, I considered him a challenge, I believe.
Speaker DAnd I had no intention whatsoever of falling in love with him because he was taboo.
Speaker DHe was a.
Speaker DNo, no, he was not Christian.
Speaker DAnd it was just my job to speak the gospel to him.
Speaker DAnd so I did.
Speaker DAnd he started going to church with me.
Speaker DAnd then he couldn't get his hands on enough of Christian literature, and he kind of fell in lockstep.
Speaker DAnd he was talking to my brothers and my dad about, you know, what it means to be Lutheran and how is that different from being Catholic?
Speaker DBecause he had a big problem with.
Speaker DHe did not have a, I guess a super upbringing in the Catholic Church, but.
Speaker DWhich is sad.
Speaker AOkay, so you were kind of drawn to him.
Speaker AHe was a challenge.
Speaker ABut then he kind of rose to that challenge.
Speaker AYou felt like, okay, he's.
Speaker AHe's coming around in my viewpoint.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AWhich probably on some level felt satisfying to you.
Speaker AYeah, I feel like that's a slippery slope, though.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ALike, I. I've seen couples where one person embraces faith and the other one kind of organically finds it or, you know, the other spouse prompts the.
Speaker AThe other one to get there, and it works out wonderfully.
Speaker AHow much influence?
Speaker AI don't know, like, what part of that is because your story changes.
Speaker ASo I'm just, like, trying to make sense of this.
Speaker ALisa.
Speaker AI want to get there.
Speaker AI want to get the difference between that version of him and then the later version that impacted your marriage.
Speaker ABut before we dive into that, you guys want to do Boobs in the News?
Speaker BYes.
Speaker BLet's do it.
Speaker AAll right.
Speaker ABoobs in the News is a fun segment where we read funny tweets by real people or ridiculous news stories.
Speaker DBoobs in the News.
Speaker DBoobs in the News.
Speaker AOkay, this one happened in good old Missouri, so that's why I did it.
Speaker DOh, good.
Speaker AThe title is $50,000 Powerball ticket spent months in Oblivious winner's truck.
Speaker ASo this just happened this month.
Speaker AA Missouri man set a Powerball ticket he bought in February.
Speaker AOkay, so for context, it's June.
Speaker DSo what?
Speaker AHow many months is that?
Speaker ALet me count on my fingers.
Speaker AFebruary, March, April, May, June.
Speaker AThat's five months.
Speaker AWow.
Speaker AFor five months, he had this lottery ticket in his glove box before he decided, like, oh, I should clear these out.
Speaker AAnd so he went into a gas station and.
Speaker AAnd I guess, scanned them.
Speaker AAnd so he was shocked when the store clerk told him he had won $50,000 in the February 11th Powerball drawing.
Speaker BWow.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AHe said, I didn't really know what to say.
Speaker AI've played for years, and this is the biggest thing I've ever won.
Speaker AThe.
Speaker AThe whole, like, the shock of him winning actually caused him.
Speaker AHe went in, paid for his gas, and then left without getting his gas.
Speaker COh, my gosh.
Speaker BHe was so surprised.
Speaker DYeah.
Speaker ASo what I thought was funny about this, actually, it was really sweet.
Speaker BHe's.
Speaker AThey asked him what he was going to do with his winnings, and he said he was going to spend it on his grandkids, Which I was like, that's super sweet.
Speaker BWhat a great day.
Speaker ABut my.
Speaker AMy question to you is this.
Speaker ADo you play the lottery?
Speaker BI do not.
Speaker BI mean, every once in a while, if the Powerball gets up really high, I will.
Speaker BBut I feel like after looking for some of these, like, boobs in the news, there's so many about the lottery.
Speaker BMaybe I should start playing more regularly.
Speaker AI mean.
Speaker AYeah, I was going to give you some stats just so you can feel good about not playing.
Speaker BOh, okay, good.
Speaker ASo, first of all, half of U.S. adults.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker B50%.
Speaker A50% Of the U.S. plays the lottery.
Speaker ADid you Know that?
Speaker BNo, it's very high.
Speaker AIt seems so high.
Speaker ASo that's 160 to 180 million people who are buying at least one lottery ticket per year.
Speaker DWow.
Speaker AIsn't that crazy?
Speaker ASo I actually just bought this is the story stuck out.
Speaker AStuck out to me.
Speaker ACan't speak because I just bought a Missouri lottery ticket a few months ago and the exact same thing happened.
Speaker AI bought it, I forgot about it, and I didn't check it until like a couple of months later.
Speaker AAnd we were, of course, losers.
Speaker ABut I. I don't normally buy tickets, so it's not like I'm chomping at the bit to check my tickets.
Speaker AI don't know what got me to buy one.
Speaker AI just every once in a while, in a blue moon, I'll randomly buy one.
Speaker ABut same exact thing.
Speaker AI totally forgot about it.
Speaker AChecked it months later.
Speaker AAnd at that time, I was like, if you win and it's been months, do you still get the money?
Speaker ABut I think you do.
Speaker BThere is an expiration.
Speaker AThere is.
Speaker DThere is.
Speaker BBecause I've gotten the scratch off tickets.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BAnd then forgot about.
Speaker BForgotten about them for like a year.
Speaker BLike at Christmas time, a lot of people give those out and then it will say, like, expired.
Speaker AExpired.
Speaker AI wonder if that works for the big.
Speaker DThe big.
Speaker AI don't know.
Speaker AWell, so half of the US is playing, and Americans spent over $100 billion on lottery tickets.
Speaker ANow they source.
Speaker AThat's like in 2024.
Speaker ASo it's one of the most popular forms of gambling in the country.
Speaker ABut here's why you shouldn't question whether or not to play.
Speaker ABecause you.
Speaker AI'm sure you've heard this before.
Speaker AYou're more likely to be struck by lightning.
Speaker AYou have a.
Speaker ABetter than to win.
Speaker DWow.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AMost financial experts view lottery tickets as paying a few dollars for the enjoyment of imagining what if, rather than any kind of.
Speaker BI'm going to actually win.
Speaker BRight.
Speaker ASo it says, basically, compared with winning Powerball, being struck by lightning in your lifetime is likely 19,000 times more likely.
Speaker BWow.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BOkay.
Speaker AI don't know that you need to worry about it.
Speaker AI don't think the odds are in our favor.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ABut anyway, good for that man that's already made, what a great day.
Speaker BAnd his grandkids.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BThey're going to go on vacation.
Speaker AI was just going to say, I'm like, what a sweet man.
Speaker AWhere he's like, his first thought is, he's going to spend that on his grandkids because.
Speaker ACause I mean, not to poo.
Speaker APoo $50,000.
Speaker A$50,000 Is a lot of money, but it's not like change your life money.
Speaker BRight.
Speaker AAlthough one could argue that if he properly invested that in a business or some stocks, it could turn into that.
Speaker CSo.
Speaker ASo maybe, sir, do not spend it on your grandchildren and invest in your future.
Speaker AThere's your bibs.
Speaker DBibs and the news.
Speaker DBibs and the news.
Speaker DBibs and the nibs.
Speaker AOkay, before I ask you this question, let me just get the timeline straight.
Speaker ADid you get breast cancer?
Speaker AYou got breast cancer before you guys got divorced or after?
Speaker DWell, before I had breast cancer in 2007 and we got divorced in 2020.
Speaker DWe had a very normal, you know, dating this.
Speaker DAnd we were, we were, we were, we were like the beavers.
Speaker DWe leave it to beavers.
Speaker DAnd then I got breast cancer in 2007.
Speaker DSo we were married for, I don't know, what, 15 years?
Speaker D2007.
Speaker DAnd that was the problem.
Speaker DThe communication breakdown, the, the fear and then the assumptions.
Speaker DAnd then Ron did not like my decision, and then he felt like he could not fix me.
Speaker DAnd after that, he really dove into our, into faith and he was going to Promise Keepers and all that stuff.
Speaker DSo this is interesting.
Speaker DI don't want it.
Speaker DSo I don't want to throw him under the bus, but.
Speaker DBut what he did was pretend to be a Christian.
Speaker DAnd then when he hit his life, when he hit his midlife crisis, we moved from Pennsylvania to Michigan.
Speaker DThen it was, then it was Covid.
Speaker DAnd you know, he shut down.
Speaker DHe shut down.
Speaker DHe wouldn't talk to me, he wouldn't open up.
Speaker DHe.
Speaker DI found out he had hidden his childhood abuse from me.
Speaker DSo.
Speaker ASo this opens up a really interesting can of worms that I have seen repeated with so many couples in mid.
Speaker AWhat you're saying is, is that you guys were kind of living this idyllic life and then breast cancer hit.
Speaker AAnd that was almost like you're saying then everything changed, but it almost sounds like it just opened the door to a bunch of issues that were sitting there that you didn't even know existed, which is what I feel like we're seeing in middle aged couples everywhere.
Speaker AIt's like, everything's great, everything's fine.
Speaker AAnd then all of a sudden something happens, whether it's breast cancer or another, you know, major life change, and one or both spouses start going like, shutting down and just not communicating.
Speaker AAnd then maybe unresolved traumas that never got addressed are rising to the surface and affecting your relationship in ways you've never seen.
Speaker AAnd I Think it's, like, incredibly confusing.
Speaker AAnd it sounds like that was your experience, too.
Speaker ASo you're coming off breast cancer, then all of a sudden, your husband starts kind of shutting down.
Speaker AYou start finding out information you didn't even know existed, and now you're not communicating, and things are starting to get really rocky.
Speaker AIs that right?
Speaker DNothing got rocky.
Speaker DThat's my whole point.
Speaker DIt was just.
Speaker DWe shut down, but we.
Speaker DI guess we had such.
Speaker DI mean, I took everything to my, you know, my Bible study ladies.
Speaker DI prayed about it, and Ron kept everything to himself.
Speaker DSo when we found out Ron was cheating on me, the entire world was shocked because nobody saw it coming.
Speaker AWell, and he's also been projecting this story.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AOf his faith is really important to him, and.
Speaker DRight.
Speaker DAnd it wasn't, because if it was, he would have behaved differently.
Speaker AHe.
Speaker DYou know, he.
Speaker DYou know, he was fine as long as we were in Pennsylvania, and we had a support group and we were going to church, but then we moved to Michigan, and we had no friends.
Speaker DWe had no support group.
Speaker DAnd he, you know, he was.
Speaker DHe was at work and I was at home trying to move in and whatnot.
Speaker DAnd the separation from our Christian community allowed him to be secretive, and, you know, he wasn't allowed.
Speaker DNobody was there to hold him accountable.
Speaker BInteresting.
Speaker DNobody knew me, you know.
Speaker DNo.
Speaker DEveryone in Pennsylvania knew he was married.
Speaker DNobody knew me.
Speaker DThey didn't.
Speaker DSo.
Speaker BSo Was that in 2020 then?
Speaker DYeah, that was in 2020.
Speaker BSo did you feel like from 2007 when you were diagnosed with breast cancer and kind of walk through that journey from, like, 2007 to 2020?
Speaker BWhat were those 13 years like?
Speaker DIt was 13 years of.
Speaker DWell, those first.
Speaker DYou know, the impact of breast cancer was scary, obviously.
Speaker DAnd I did the best I could to remain strong and, you know, not fall to pieces and get my.
Speaker DGet, you know, get my ducks in order in a row and understand, you know, the journey of breast cancer?
Speaker DAnd I'm.
Speaker DI'm very independent kind of person, and I needed to know answers, and I needed to know everything.
Speaker DMy husband, on the other hand, wanted to just straight up trust the doctors.
Speaker DAnd I.
Speaker DYou know, I wanted the second and third opinion.
Speaker DSo he was not happy.
Speaker DNow, again, I didn't find this out until the divorce process happened was 13 years later.
Speaker DAnd my mother told me that my husband was not happy on my decision for my treatment, but he never told me that, So I assumed we were fine.
Speaker DAnd for those 13 years, we just kind of got through cancer.
Speaker DI was a poster child for the three Day walk?
Speaker DNot really, but for, in my community I was always, I had a blog for awareness.
Speaker DI had, it was Instagram posting.
Speaker DI mean, I did, I was just, I was 38, 39 years old.
Speaker DSo I was young, energetic, and I just had to get people to understand that breast cancer was real and back in the day.
Speaker DAnd I grew up in the 80s and we weren't even allowed to say the word breast.
Speaker DSo getting used to that was a challenge in and of itself.
Speaker DI was getting very comfortable with my scars kind of showing people.
Speaker DMy husband apparently didn't like that either.
Speaker DHe felt left out of the process.
Speaker DAt one point in that 13 years, he told me now this is hindsight's 2020, he said that he had felt like it was very difficult for him to come home to such a well oiled machine and he didn't know where he fit in.
Speaker DAnd I remember dismissing that comment, saying, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Speaker DWe wouldn't, we wouldn't have a well oiled machine if you weren't providing for it.
Speaker DSo that's where you fit in.
Speaker AThat's kind of an interesting point, Lisa, because I hear that from other wives and husband teams, especially like ones who, if they're, if the husbands are in law enforcement or in a profession like where they're, you know, staying at the firehouse and they don't, they're, they're not always home for their, you know, like on shifts.
Speaker AI've heard that multiple times where the wife will say it's easier to run the house without him here because when he comes home, he's not used to the way I do things and it disrupts everything and then the kids don't act the same and the systems aren't the same.
Speaker AAnd he's trying to do something one way, but we've been doing it a different way for a really long time.
Speaker AI do think there's something to that, that they, the women.
Speaker ADo you.
Speaker AWell, let me ask you, do you think there's something to that?
Speaker AWhere we get in this place where we're like, we're running this, this is my domain.
Speaker AAnd then the man comes home and it's kind of like get in where you fit in?
Speaker AYes.
Speaker DOkay, that's a short answer.
Speaker AI think that's the communication breakdown, you know, because I, I mean, I similarly had a situation in our family where I like had a mental breakdown and everybody's like, whoa, what's wrong with mom?
Speaker ABut I said, you guys, like, we're a team.
Speaker AOf five, there are five people in this house.
Speaker AAnd what I don't think you understand is that if, if, if I want it, if you don't do it, then I have to do it.
Speaker ASo if you choose not to participate as a team member and do your part in this family unit, then I am the default person that ends up with all this on my plate.
Speaker ANow the part that I had to come to terms with is that that was a role I was choosing.
Speaker AAnd I was wanting to say I'm a martyr for doing it.
Speaker AAnd it's like, but you're choosing to do that, right?
Speaker AYou're choosing to do that.
Speaker ASo.
Speaker ABut it's hard because I think we do want a well run household.
Speaker AWe do want our things in a certain place.
Speaker AWe don't want a mess.
Speaker AIt is stressful to us.
Speaker AI think women, when we're stressed, like, nobody's happy when we're stressed out.
Speaker AYou know what I mean?
Speaker ASo it's just such a hard thing.
Speaker ABut I think it's communication.
Speaker AI don't think that there's, I mean, I think women are dealing with this every single day.
Speaker AAnd the question is, how do we get.
Speaker ABecause talking about it and talking about it and talking about it and talking about it, you know, you and I were talking like offline Lisa, that it seems like in marriages there comes a point where it goes one direction or the other.
Speaker AEither somebody finally acknowledges and understands where the other person's coming from and something changes, or the person doesn't understand and they continue to go inward and shut down until there's nothing left of the marriage.
Speaker ABecause the communication is broken down so much.
Speaker DAnd it's, it's sad when you don't realize that the, it went, that the communication broke years ago.
Speaker ABut don't you think it creeps up on you, like, to be fair to both you and your husband?
Speaker AIt's like it doesn't come across as just like these huge blow ups, like you said.
Speaker AYou know what I mean?
Speaker AIt comes across in these really tiny little ways of, you know, not acknowledging each other when they walk in the door.
Speaker AIt comes across in, you know, yeah, they do a chore, but it's halfway.
Speaker AAnd then you're frustrated instead of grateful.
Speaker AIt's like, you know what I mean?
Speaker AIt's all these little micro terrors that then lead to the big terror.
Speaker ABut it's like nobody's good at spotting these things before they happen until you're in crisis mode.
Speaker AAnd then like you said, for a lot of couples, it's Just too late.
Speaker DYeah, for me, it was too late.
Speaker AHow did that decision come to be?
Speaker ALike, obviously, you know, he stepped out on the marriage.
Speaker AThe communication had completely broken down.
Speaker AI have to imagine that it was terrifying after all those years of security to kind of go out on your own.
Speaker DIt was.
Speaker DThe only way I can describe it as is, you know, my.
Speaker DI. I was living the dream.
Speaker DI had worked so hard to create a household that was peaceful.
Speaker DMy children were pretty much obedient.
Speaker DThey didn't do crazy stuff, little mischief, but nothing crazy.
Speaker DWe sat down and eat dinner all the time.
Speaker DEverything was normal.
Speaker DSo there were no red flags.
Speaker DSo I had built this, and I had.
Speaker DYou know, I was praying about it, asking God, and all this was provided.
Speaker DAnd then in a matter of three months, it was gone.
Speaker DAnd I felt like I was in a tornado without the house.
Speaker DI was flying all over the place.
Speaker DI didn't know which direction to go in, because every direction that I tried to move forward, I got slapped in the face with a roadblock or something didn't work, or something got canceled or that.
Speaker DThat's the way it used to be.
Speaker DAnd it was awful.
Speaker DI mean, I had.
Speaker DI had friends that wouldn't.
Speaker DMy two neighbors immediately stopped talking to me because they were afraid I was gonna take their husband away.
Speaker DIt's.
Speaker DIt's just.
Speaker DWait, what?
Speaker DBecause I.
Speaker DWe had just moved, so I'd only been there for a year and a half, and the two women on either side of me just stopped.
Speaker DJust stopped saying hi, stopped talking to me.
Speaker AHow did you do it?
Speaker ABecause I know there's, like, a lot of women out there that are listening right now that might be in a similar situation or, you know, are having these same thoughts, and they're just terrified.
Speaker AWhat were the things that you did that you credit to getting you to where you are right now?
Speaker DI had a mentor of mine.
Speaker DWithout even knowing it, she was.
Speaker DThat went through divorce after 27 years of marriage, just like me.
Speaker DAnd she reached out immediately and told me, seek out a divorce care class.
Speaker DIt's like nine or ten weeks long.
Speaker DJust go.
Speaker DYou don't have to participate.
Speaker DJust go and absorb the material.
Speaker DAnd I did.
Speaker DAnd I read that, and I was like, there's no way I'm doing this.
Speaker DThere is absolutely no way I'm forgiving my spouse.
Speaker DThere's no way I am waiting five years to date.
Speaker DYou know, there's no way I am dropping my, you know, my guard.
Speaker DAnd I felt the pain of my decisions.
Speaker DSo what got me through was doing everything Contrary to what I wanted to do, I forgave my spouse, even though I didn't want to.
Speaker DEvery day.
Speaker DEvery day, I had to actively forgive him because each new day brings a promise that was not fulfilled.
Speaker DEvery day is a broken promise that he was supposed to be here.
Speaker DSo I have to forgive him every day for the crap that goes down today that shouldn't have happened.
Speaker DSo forgiveness is massive.
Speaker DAnd the result of harboring unforgiveness is bitterness, anger, frustration, ugly wrinkles, warts, stringy hair, and no friends.
Speaker AThere's some real ramifications, people.
Speaker DI'm telling you.
Speaker DA mindset of forgiveness, even though you really don't want to, will lead toward the freedom and all of the beauty that comes with it.
Speaker AWell, I think.
Speaker AI think you're touching on something that a lot of people struggle with, is that forgiveness is not a feeling.
Speaker AIt's a choice.
Speaker DIt's a choice.
Speaker DIt 100 is the feeling comes out.
Speaker ATo feel good about it.
Speaker AAnd I don't know that you have to feel good about it in order to do it.
Speaker DNo, you don't.
Speaker DYou can despise doing it.
Speaker DYou died.
Speaker DBut, you know, you're talking to the Lord here, and he's like, I know, I know, I know, I know you don't want to, but you have to, because it's not for him.
Speaker DIt's for you.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AYou know what's also fun is when the Lord's like, but I love them.
Speaker AAnd you're like, but why?
Speaker DI know that was a strong point too, but that's the part that I.
Speaker AAlways get stuck out of.
Speaker ALike, but why do you love them?
Speaker AThey're so rotten.
Speaker DYeah.
Speaker DAnd he says, I love them for the same reason I love you, sweetheart.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker DBut let's take a better look at that.
Speaker DAnd God says, I. I discipline the ones I love.
Speaker DAnd that caught my attention.
Speaker DI was like, really?
Speaker DYeah.
Speaker DSo I stepped back.
Speaker DI said, I stopped doing petty things.
Speaker DI stopped just doing the things.
Speaker DI was like, I'm gonna stick to them, you know?
Speaker DAnd I just did this little thing that I knew he was gonna, like, cause, you know, a little mischief maybe down the road.
Speaker DI stopped doing those dumb things.
Speaker DI stopped being sarcastic and all that stuff.
Speaker DAnd I watched what happened.
Speaker DAnd what's happening in my ex spouse's life right now is kind of funny.
Speaker DHis life is like a country song.
Speaker DIt's.
Speaker DEverything's going backwards.
Speaker DHe's lost his job, and the woman that he cheated on me with dumped him.
Speaker DHe has to go live with his parents.
Speaker DJust kind of funny stuff.
Speaker DSo while I am experiencing what I considered just a lot of struggles because my life looks so different, I consider this divorce kind of a rescue mission from God in saying, like, I know this is going to hurt Lisa, but I got to prune that guy off of you because he's bringing you down.
Speaker DAnd it's been five or six years now.
Speaker DAnd I did follow what divorce care said.
Speaker DI have not dated anyone, and I'm very, very comfortable in my singleness again.
Speaker DI've learned a tremendous amount about myself.
Speaker DAnd if I.
Speaker DIf I had dated someone, I would not have learned what I've learned to.
Speaker DTo love myself, like, how to do that.
Speaker DYou know, when you go from high school to college, right into marriage and family and all that stuff, you don't know how to take care of yourself.
Speaker DYou've always been taken care of or.
Speaker DAnd then you start taking care of someone else in the form of a baby.
Speaker AIs that.
Speaker AI saw there's a famous.
Speaker AI don't even know who he is, but he.
Speaker AHe has reals, of course, all the time.
Speaker AHe's like this famous divorce attorney, and he talks on air about what he sees in these divorced couples.
Speaker AAnd he was talking about how most divorcees get remarried within six months.
Speaker AAnd, you know, of course, once you've been divorced once, the statistics are pretty high that you're going to get divorced again and have multiple marriages.
Speaker ABut I think it kind of speaks to your point of people.
Speaker APeople want relationship.
Speaker AThey want to feel cared for.
Speaker AThey want to be in relationship with people.
Speaker ABut if you don't know yourself, if you don't do the hard work of kind of exposing everything that went wrong the first time and where you need to grow as a person before you jump back into a relationship, you're going to be in the exact same boat you were in before with no communication skills, not understanding what your needs are or who you are.
Speaker ASo I think it's incredibly wise that you took that time and did the things even though you didn't feel like doing them.
Speaker AIt sounds like it's paying off.
Speaker DI am so pleased with the return on my investment.
Speaker AIs that through a church or how did you find that class?
Speaker AIs that just something that you can Google?
Speaker DYeah, it's.
Speaker DIt's one word.
Speaker DDivorce Care.
Speaker DAnd there they have programs everywhere.
Speaker DI could have chosen from eight or nine.
Speaker DSome of them are on, you know, Sunday night.
Speaker DSome of them are on Wednesday mornings.
Speaker DSome, you know, they're in there.
Speaker DI think it's like $15 because you got to pay for the book.
Speaker DBut I go back to that book and I read it and I kind of giggle at my answers and I'm like, yep, I was definitely in a different state of mind.
Speaker DI was, I was in anger mode.
Speaker DI was in rebellion.
Speaker DI was, I was so pissed off at life.
Speaker DAnd then at the same time, just crying.
Speaker DI know I can't do this.
Speaker DI don't know how to do this.
Speaker DAnd all I heard was, just get through today.
Speaker DJust make good choices today.
Speaker DDon't worry about next year.
Speaker DYou know, what is, what is your daily devotion say today?
Speaker DThink about that.
Speaker DAnd, oh, by the way, go forgive your spouse.
Speaker AYeah, right.
Speaker AHere's this little assignment.
Speaker AWell, I want to.
Speaker AI want to wrap up with your final words to women who are listening to this and feel really familiar if this feels really familiar to them and they're questioning what to do next.
Speaker ABut before we hear from you on that, let's hear from our second sponsor.
Speaker CThrivent is a proud sponsor of Faith through Fire.
Speaker CThrivent believes money is a tool, not a goal.
Speaker CThe Gateway Financial Group with Thrivent is local to the St. Louis area and can work with you to create a financial strategy that reflects your priorities and helps you protect the things that matter to you, like family and giving back.
Speaker CPlease call 314-783-4214 to schedule a free consultation with one of Thriven's Gateway Financial advisors.
Speaker AAll right, Lisa, what are some final words that you have for anybody listening that might find themselves in a similar season?
Speaker DOh, the seasons are just seasons.
Speaker DAnd you've been through a season before.
Speaker DGod is still good.
Speaker DNothing changes that.
Speaker DHe navigates everything from a breast cancer diagnosis to a divorce situation.
Speaker DAnd it really sucks that we have to live through the event, but he is already on the other side of it, calling you to him saying, follow me and see what I got planned for you.
Speaker DMy advice is to just hang in there.
Speaker DFind your people that love you.
Speaker AYeah, that's great.
Speaker BThat's powerful.
Speaker AThank you so much, Lisa, for sharing your story and what you've learned.
Speaker AAnd I think our listeners are going to find it really useful.
Speaker AUntil next time, guys.
Speaker ASee ya.
Speaker AThank you for being a listener of the Besties with Breasties podcast.
Speaker AIf this podcast had a positive impact, impact on your journey, leave us a review or consider becoming a supporter.
Speaker AYou can donate with the link in the show notes or atfaith through fire.org.